i left my home …

I left my home in Norfolk, Virginia,
California on my mind.
Straddled that greyhound, rode him past Raleigh,
On across Caroline.

On May 31, 2012, I put the cat in the car and drove across the country to be with a fetching redhead with whom I had fallen in love. I landed in Seattle on June 10th. Those of you with a particular acuity for observation will note a coincidental connection with that date and this post.

Here are the events leading up to that day. Bear with me, I will get to the point…

In August 2011, HP bought a UK company called  Autonomy for an exorbitant $10 billion. They came online with the start of the fiscal year, November 1, 2011. Mike Lynch, the CEO of Autonomy was given my division to manage. The Monday before Thanksgiving, he fired 35 percent of the division, across the board, without discussion or consultation. On the Monday after Thanksgiving, he cancelled my project, We were six months away from beta for our V2.0 software.

December 19, 2011, my team was given a new project. On January 3, 2012, it was taken away. With nothing to do, I “worked” from home cleaning, purging, packing, preparing for some eventuality.

February 4, 2012, we were given a new project and a trip to Chicago. On February 13, 2012, it was taken away. On March 4, 2012, in hallmark of irony, I am placed on the team, that was the company which spawned the start-up I worked for when HP bought us. Only their contracts require background checks and a drug screen.

If you’ve been paying attention at all, I’m sure you’ve guessed that I turned up dirty for that particular whiz quiz. This is a story in itself, but one, as they say, for another day. To their credit, HP allowed me to resign with the obligatory “not eligible for rehire” check mark next to my name.

That reminds me of a story. (Yes, yes, I promise, I’ll get to the point.)

There was a small town where the river had crested and the low-lying lands nearby started to flood. Emergency personnel showed up at the door of a man to evacuate him. The man was unwilling to leave saying “The Lord will save me”.

Soon the national guard was back in a row boat to take the man to safety and once again he said “No, thank you. The Lord will save me.”

It wasn’t long before they were back in a helicopter and for a third time the man stayed behind saying “The Lord will save me.”

The man drowned.

He gets to the pearly gates, finds himself inside and before the Almighty, Himself, and he says “Lord! Why did you forsake me? My faith was so strong!”

To which the Lord responded, “I sent the national guard, a boat and a helicopter. I don’t know what the fuck you were waiting for!”

So, without a job, without a severance package, without unemployment benefits, I realized that the helicopters were circling my house. I told my mom, my kids, and my future-ex that I was moving to Seattle.

Now, this was no small thing for me. You see, I had lived in Wakefield, MA for 51 years, moving five times, all within the city limits. I was terrified. But we drove, and got here a year ago, on June 10, 2012.

Tomorrow also marks my six month-iversary working at Microsoft. It took me six months, a small 401(k) plan, a small IRA from a previous start-up, overcoming extreme depression,  fear, and an overwhelming lack of confidence but I found gainful employment, my west coast family of choice, and moss under my arms.

More to come, but here’s what I’ve learned so far:

• The three things I missed most were my barber, my pharmacist, and my sushi chef. I’m happy to report that it took me a year, but I have found the west coast analog for all three.
• I’m convinced I’m never going to eat a decent pastrami sandwich ever again.
• Or a Steak Bomb
• Or a pizza made by a family-owned shop.
• And what’s up with pasta situation? Elbow macaroni and spaghetti? Really? That’s it? You make me go to the pretentious fucks at the Italian place in the Pike Place Market for stuffing shells? Really? Really?!
• And don’t get me started on the drivers. They say *I’m* a Masshole? I haven’t seen an aggressive driver in Seattle yet. Oh wait, yes, there was one. It had NY plates!
• And the weather. Like the Inuits have 26 words for snow, Seattleites have 26 words for rain, I am now convinced of it. My favorite is the “persecuting drizzle”. Seattle, you lied about the weather. I know, I know. You say “It rains”, and I say, “No shit! You totally misrepresented the quantity and quality of that rain”. But “I warned you”, you say. And I say, “fuck you! You lied. It’s a bait and switch. No jury in this fine land would convict me!”
• Having said that, when the sun comes out, it sure is pretty around here. I have four or five different mountain vistas on my commute to and from work. Including a spectacular one of Mt. Rainier.
• My heart aches for my east coast family, chosen and origin. I miss you all terribly.

There’s more and I’m sure you’ll hear about it but for now, thanks for welcoming me, Seattle. I’m glad to be here. Mostly.

Seattle, give me Boston, Massachusetts,
Tidewater four ten o nine.
Tell the folks back home this is the promised land callin’
And this poor boy’s doing fine.